Toddlers. They do not appreciate a damn thing. Not nothin’!
Today I took the Baberson out to visit my grandparents. They just adore my little bugger. They get a kick out of just about everything she does. My grandma likes to give her all the different snacks that she thinks she will like so my kid leaves with an Oreo/Kit Kat/Cheese Puff/Cracker/Pringles/God-only-knows crumb ring all the way around her tiny mouth. They like when she tries to say words too. I’m not going to lie – she says the most adorable words. Today she managed a “Cookie? YAAAAAY!” but will not say “thank you” no matter how many thousands of times I ask her to. Tiny ingrate.
Before we went out there, I decided to take a detour that was kind of on the way and visit my favorite park. Arboretum, actually. Did i spell that right? I have no idea. Lets just pretend I did. Anyway, it has an auto tour where you can just drive through and see everything. I love to come to this place when I’m feeling depressed or stressed out because it’s peaceful and always makes me feel better. Aisha had never been there so I thought she’d love it. She’s an outdoor kid. She loves outside. If she even hears the word outside, she gets excited. So being that we’re in my convertible with the top down, we were pretty damn close to being outside. We were as outside as one can get while still being inside. Inside out? No. Someone would definitely call CPS if I said my child was inside out.
I start driving through and telling her about all of the best things and places. There are tons of beautiful trees and plants. The birds are flying around, all majestic as fuck. The squirrels are squirreling. The bugs are pissing off somewhere, hopefully. Stupid fucking bugs. The butterflies are fluttering by. Probably. I was driving. I couldn’t really tell. I just know it was naturey as all hell and it was magnificent.
Can you guess what toddler didn’t appreciate any of it? If you can’t, get off my fucking page. Seriously. Just get off. I don’t have time for you, buddy!
She spent the entire ride looking at her car seat buckle and picking at her lacy shoes. Impressed by nothing. The dark foresty part. The rolling hills. The huge hedge letters that spell out Dawes Arboretum (again, my spelling is always flawless, especially when it’s not. Always.) over many acres. The pond. The cemetery. Yes, there is a cemetery. I don’t know why either. It’s a park for crying out fuck! She enjoyed exactly none of it. Not one bit. She pretty much just treated it like the rest of the ride to and from home.
I think I figured out why on the way home. We live in goddamn Ohio. Smack dab in the middle. Our drive home is hardly different from the park at all. Trees everywhere on both sides of the highway. Rolling hills. Ponds. Majestic as fuck birds. Butterflies. Probably. I was driving. I couldn’t really tell. 😉 Plus there are horses, cows, sheep… I think I saw a pheasant earlier, wild turkeys, deer and all kinds of wild shit.
So I kind of see her point. She’d have probably been more interested if we’d gotten out and walked around. Driving through the park really isn’t nearly as exciting as our 70mph, 30 minute drive home where someone has paved right through the middle of nature and said “here – drive through this, bitches.”
And we do.
We drive right through it.